This is a 3 parts series of entries about the meaning of humility, surrender and the only thing your heart is asking you to do. This is Part 2. Find parts 1 and 3 in the links below:
How do we let Him love us?? That is to me, the meaning of surrender and humility. It is not about being docile and repressing your feelings to others. Quite the opposite. Surrendering and humility doesn't have anything to do with others, although when you surrender and humble yourself, others notice it even if they don't tell you. You surrender when in your many attempts to do the right thing, you find out that there is always something in your way and you can't avoid it and more importantly can't solve it your way. You let Him love you when you reach that point and let Him love you. You don't surrender to an external punishing being behind some clouds either as I shall explain.
Let me give you an example:
You want to lose weight: You say "Yes, but we'll do it my way" and you try as many diets as possible. Often fail to start the process, if you do, often fail to reach the goal and if you do, you fail to keep the weight in the long term, you have to rely in chemical aids or surgeries to prolong the results. So much so that some diets now give you a day a week to go nuts and eat as much as you want of anything and everything. Some people never stop trying. Some people do reach their weight goal and replace their overeating with some other excess in their lives. Some people eventually draw a big picture of the situation and assess it. It looks something like this: "I want to lose these 1 - 60 kg. Every time I try a diet I find myself opening the fridge to motivate the temptation. Then I tried to eat healthy. How inconvenient!! You have to cook from scratch!! I don't like vegetables even tho I know they're beneficial. I love Coke even tho I know is a chemical soup. Buying organic is so expensive we can't afford it. Cooking every meal for 5 people?? Even making the kids snacks?? or buying them organic?? cooking separately for my diet and the rest of the family??" With every option I face something that makes my life hard enough as to make my goal seem unreachable. Often I quit. I need a miracle to lose my weight and I can't make it happen myself. I want to lose these stupid 30kg!!".
Humility occurs when you tell yourself the story of your failures and you recognize that your way of doing things always seems like it's missing something. (Declaring you're a sinner in Christian terms). Humility occurs when you realize that the cause of your failures is not that others haven't come up with the right chemical soup or solution to your problem, but that the problem is that you don't have the strength to overcome the obstacles of the journey. It is when you have the experience of finding the problem within you rather than in others, that you can let others "offend" you once and twice and although you may not like the offense, and may indeed feel offended, you would know what is happening with the offender: They still think that the problem is you, you have been there, you know how it is...now you can forgive them.
Surrendering occurs when you don't quit your desire (to lose weight in this case) but admit that because you've tried it all and you've caught yourself betraying yourself in the process, you need a miracle that you can't produce and don't know where to find it (you've gone to specialists already and the problem still is that you don't stick to the plans). So you surrender and, if you are not familiar nor comfortable with the-God-vocabulary, you surrender to the deepest and truest version of you that you imagine possible...that's where God is at this stage of your life. When you surrender to the deepest feeling of you, which you may grasp as the most honest conversation you've had with yourself, or as talking to and from your heart, you admit and ask your heart to guide you. You ask the best version of you, the one you know is not lying to you because it's witnessed it all, to guide you all the way and help you. And this is how you let God step in and come up from the deep place where you've kept Him for so long. Letting God to step in, surrendering to God, is letting the best of your humanity to show up because we are all made to His image and likeness, not the other way around. He loves you whether you're a Christian or not. We are the ones that don't love non-Christians and to tell you the truth, we don't even love other Christians.
But God doesn't just come up like by magic. It is a process and for each step that He needs to take in your life, He lets you decide whether you want to do it or not. You've put God so deep that almost seems unreachable. On the way up from deep within your heart to transforming you and acting through you, there is like a thousand tonnes of the habits of the you that has been betraying you all this time. Habits like self judgement, judgement of others, prejudice, attention and approval seeking and others. We have to admit that these habits make up about 99% of the story our our lives. You already admitted many of them in your assessment of the big picture of your weight loss journey. God has to find the way up through all that!! And "all that" is not related with just food, it is your whole life!!. In order to find the way up, He has to clean the path, He has to heal us, which is, He has to heal every single aspect of us.
When you drop the weight of your failures in achieving your goal, it feels wrong to the version of you who wants to keep trying by using the same strategy that has always failed. It feels a huge relief when you know that you can't do anything about it so you won't. Every bite of junk food you eat may feel like the wrong thing but now you're aware of it. You'll start to develop the awareness of when you overeat, how you do it and what triggers you to do it so eventually, you'll find out why you do it. Finding out why you do it, will be an answer to why you do many other things in your life and why you've had the habits you've had. All this finding out I'm talking about comes from a place of surrendering and the "why" that you'll discovered is a spiritual one, or one that comes precisely from that deep place within you, from the honest you that loves you more than anything else and wants you to lose that weight and be healthy...that is what God wants you to be. This is how He triggers the healing of our whole being, we asked and He gives us. Asking God is ultimately surrendering to the truest and honest you deep in your heart, and that is why He answers. A "why" from an place of no surrendering will tell you that you don't loose weight because you've been following the wrong diet, taking the wrong tablets, going to the wrong doctor or reading the wrong material and that you need to do more, a different version of the same stuff.
However, the fact that he triggers the healing doesn't imply an immediate healing of our whole being. We need to consent to it...by surrendering again. We may have surrendered our weight loss fight, and with that action we let Him take one step closer to act through us. Now we have to surrender the obstacle that is present at that new stage. The next thing we want to achieve in our own ways, the next thing we cling to so much, the next thought we think is so right and drives so many of our actions and reactions to situations, people and nature. The role of the trigger is to make the next surrender easier to identify. The answer to the "why" is what makes it easier because you can see the patterns from your eating disorder in other aspects of your life. Once you pick up a new aspect and you come up to the point of surrendering again, you will add a new insight to your answer of "why" you do things. Which will then help you identify even more aspects of your life that are not functional or betray your desire for love, peace and happiness. And it is this way that we let God love us. As we go deeper in our exploration of our dysfunctional betraying selves, God comes up to the surface of our being to work through us and we start to irradiate love, we become light to the world, after we let God be the light of our beings.